Welcome, friends. To the beautiful mess that is life.
I have learned so much about myself than I could’ve ever imagined throughout this last year and through graduate school. I have learned about my relationship with Christ and with those who surround me; I have been challenged in my thinking about direction and passion and where the Lord is leading me and I’ve seen so much growth.
(no, these are not all complete sentences)
This last year has been …
Graduate School work – lots of reading, writing, and learning (I love it, but still challenging). Working at the Community Mental Health center in Warsaw has been challenging mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I have found myself drained and burnout and in need of the strength of the Savior with this line of work. I love it, but also detest it.
Many of our graduate assignments required us to be self-reflective and challenge ourselves to be introspective. To know our own weaknesses, our strengths and to embrace ourselves. To see the potential and the greatness that God has planned for us, but also recognizing the challenges and hardships we are sure to face (whether embracing the past, present, or future). To practice self-care is of utmost importance.
Growing and Struggle
Lots of challenges, day in and day out – But those are the moments, the situations, where we learn more about ourselves, about others, and about our dependence on the Lord. It’s in the struggle in and in the growth where pain exists, but mercy is abundant.
Hardship & Chaos
Amidst working full-time and attending full-time graduate school, I also had my beloved relationship with Nico. At times it put pressure onto our relationship and caused us to be our worst selves with each other. I also began to experience symptoms of Depression & Anxiety, but mostly Anxiety. And Nico, despite the chaos that my brain chemical imbalances pose, has been so patient with me and so loving. Even through the Chaos, our Lord is always faithful, always dependent. He is always constant and is the same yesterday, today and forever. What an amazing reminder I need daily because this life is crazy and it changes at every moment.
Encouragement, Love, Support
I have received so so so much encouragement from management at work, friends, family, Nico, professors, community, and through my time in counseling. Counseling was beneficial: to be able to talk through some things that caused anxiety, or when I needed time to express thoughts and worries about what was going on in life. I was able to make connections that I had never realized before and to truly experience restoration and forgiveness as the Lord intended it to be. These supports of mine were incredibly vital to this journey and encouragement remains one of my favorite things to receive and to give. It is so healing, restorative, loving, and can truly change anyone’s day.
My prayer life is still a work in progress (any book suggestions / free resources to help in my prayer life??) … But having a conversational intimacy is certainly one thing that I am pursuing when it comes to my spirituality and my relationship with Christ. This means being in constant communication with the Trinity through the blessing that is the Holy Spirit who indwells inside of me: learning to be still, to listen, and to converse with him about my life in a relationship way! Having these conversations not only allow me to get to know him more (by seeking Him, reading his word, and listening) but also challenges me to tune out my own thoughts and lies that so easily cloud my brain and my life. With prayer, I have had several considerations as to what the Lord has intended for me career wise…
This has by far been the biggest focus I would say of my life, especially more recently. I have built so many relationships with my clients and my coworkers at the community mental health center. I have been fighting for healthier relationships between my client’s and their families, and have even experienced going to court for a specific case & testifying. I have also been building relationships within my graduate school program as we are all pursuing this higher education and dreams that follow. I have gotten married & I absolutely LOVE married life with my sweet husband, my dearest best friend. I have also experience community and relationships since May in a different way than I would have ever thought to experience. I joined a community that utilizes essential oils, through a company called “Young Living”, the World Leader in Essential Oils. Not only have I been supported emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically from using these essential oils, but I have joined a team that supports one another and loves one another, not solely JUST for essential oils, but for every aspect of life. It seriously offers such an amazing community that I wanted to become more a part of, and so I have decided to join the marketing side of the oils, and have begun to build a business with this company. I do see it as a means of a job, but more importantly a ministry opportunity that I believe the Lord has opened a door to love people, meet them where they are, and to serve them. If you want to learn more about them, click here or ask me ANY questions.
I love relationships. I love community. I love people. I love vulnerability. With this company and with my life in general I wish to pursue people and share lives with them. I wish to encourage diversity, embrace adversity, and to instill hope in the One who has created every individual, every plant that creates the essential oils, every breath we breathe. Because if it wasn’t for Christ, I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t have been able to write this post, marry my husband, or live for the Kingdom’s sake. I wouldn’t be able to share my love for essential oils or be passionate about sharing them with others for their amazing qualities and benefits to LIFE! Sorry, rant over …
Let me re-iterate why I wrote this blog post …
My original news I was going to share wasn’t about the essential oil community or business… But it truly was the fact that I have officially withdrawn from graduate school for a year or more.
I am currently unsure if pursuing my Master’s Degree is what the Lord has intended for me. I know that he has given me the strength and would continue to do so for the work intended to graduate & get my licensure. However, I currently do not feel the pull, the passion, the want, or the desire to be a Therapist. I love people and I love relationships. I love restoration and forgiveness, and I find ultimate significance in my relationship with Christ.
But I don’t need a Master’s Degree to love others, serve others, and to live the life He has intended for me.
Maybe sometime I will continue, or I will pursue it. But right now is not that time. And I have had SO much peace and stillness since deciding this a couple weeks prior to getting married. The Lord is good and He is my direction. And even though sometimes he calls us to do things that may look foolish to the world, He remains faithful & His love will continue to carry me through each day. I look forward to whatever adventures He has for me.
1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides so that in all things, God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power, forever and ever. Amen.
P.S. this is my “life verse” and has been since my Sophomore year of High School. I have been so encouraged by its words and what it means for my life. And I am so so thankful that
it is still applicable every day throughout every moment. The Lord is great and His strength is incredible.
Bask in His gift of beauty today.